Thursday, September 30, 2010

Things I Like About Fall

- Cider Mills
- Comfortable temperature =  best clothes of the year
- Football season starts
- People come back to MSU
- How nice it looks outside
- Darker beers season
- Annie likes hats
- Coffee outside is nice.
- Haunted Houses and all things Halloweenie (haha)
- Bonfires
- Sleeping in trees dreaming about my pet tiger, Hobbes

What do YOU like?
    (What did I miss?)

Oh Cool! A Mad Lib!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Uh oh...

This came in the mail. Is someone trying to tell me something?

Magic Reviews: Country Mill

You've got Uncle John's, Andy T's, Parshallville, Dexter, Almar and others.  I've been to a few, and as a non-native Michigander I feel I bring a certain acumen to the judging and analysis of cider mills in the crisp Autumn in Michigan.

I'll review Country Mill Cider Mill today, because we just went there for some family fun.  Country Mill is in Charlotte, highlights include the Orchard Express, a pumpkin patch, some cider, a buttload of apples, supposedly a petting zoo, and some crap for the kiddies to play on.

I Hate Politics

I'm pretty much done with politics.  Democrats, you're going to have to figure this one out on your own.  I guess I let the idiots win on this one, but I just can't take it anymore.

The problem: Illegal immigrants are coming over the border to blah blah blah

A failed solution: Build a fence across the entire border between the U.S. and Mexico.

The actual new hard line immigration stance for the campaign of Tea Party congressional candidate Jesse Kelly is to

...wait for it...

Coen Brother’s True Grit

Coen Brother’s True Grit: "

How much pumped are you for this?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Mmm~ Laser =)

The clip speaks for itself :D

New idea to duke it out.

If only we can duke it out this way :)

James on your name

James Says:

 Change your name to Carl Weathers. You can't go wrong!

I'm So Smart I Can't Figure Out the Best Way to do Podcasts!

Well, okay, so you know how sometimes you have to do something relatively simple? Like take a shower, or eat some food, or scratch your neck? But if you're like me, my brain jumps in and starts yelling "ooh! I know a way, let me help!" And you feel sorry for your brain, so you let it try and help, but then it just ends up asking a bunch of dumb questions, and before you know it, you're naked with a bowl of jello. You know what I'm talking about, right?

So, I can't figure the best possible ultimate supper efficient awesomest way to do podcasts of Happy Hour. The old way was fine. There are hundreds of relatively simple, good ways to do it, but I'm too smart to do that. Too smart for my own good. In the meantime, you've earned at least this:

Too much television.

I have a theory that Stinky from Hey Arnold! grew up to be Kenneth Parcell. And also that I will grow up to be Liz Lemon, but that's a different story. These are the kind of things you think about after watching 38 episodes of 30 Rock in two days. (I wouldn't advise it.)

I mean, come on! Look at those two preview images, they couldn't match more perfectly.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit B.

What do you think?

Marcel The Shell

This is the best example of anthropomorphism I've seen since Stick Stickly.

Monday, September 27, 2010

:: Thrift Store Finds :: In Bears We Trust

This is one of my most prized possessions. The "In Bears We Trust" Poster was purchased at the Valueland on Cedar Street approximately 5 years ago.

Worth noting:
- It is ridiculous but very patriotic.
- The teddy bear isn't even new, it's pretty worn
(see left raised paw, for example)
- It did not come framed, I had to frame it myself
(also a thrift store purchase separately nearly 3 years later)
- For years there has been a hand-written note from my brother on the bottom that reads: "But only to a point"

You wouldn't think a poster like this would have many stories, but you would be gravely mistaken. For example: At one point in my college career, this poster was stolen (pre-framing for those keeping track) by someone during a party. I posted signs (as shown below) with a hand drawn picture of the poster (and an additional photo at bottom) around the radio station. I knew it was one of those asshole DJs and soon found out the identity of the perpetrator. I went to said person's house with a baseball bat, knocked on the door, and retrieved the poster.

Responsibility Matters.

If you weren't at the game on Saturday, you may be interested in checking out this video:

Saturday, September 25, 2010

James on Monocles

James says:

I want to sport a moncle and a top hat and panhandle the panhandlers. I would say, "Could you spare some change for a dapper chap down on his luck." Monocle smile

Friday, September 24, 2010

MSU Alumnus Apparently Hates MSU

So this "John Hannah Professor of Geological Sciences and MSU alumnus"  named Warren Wood wrote in to the State News about basically how the Spartan Marching Band is degrading women and playing irrelevant music, and that the Notre Dame Band is basically better. He claims the "games need to become more Spartan-centric." I think he needs to reassess what being a Spartan means and start supporting our traditions and not those of other colleges and universities.

Here is a link to his article:

::Click it here::

I think this guy has it totally wrong. What do you think??

Magic Reviews: BlackDiamondSkye

I review BlackDiamondSkye, a concert tour featuring Alice in Chains, The Deftones, and Mastodon. I am not happy with the rocking results of this threesome.  I can imagine way better threesomes.  Way better.

One of these bands sucks sweaty buttholes.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

James On Gravity

James says:

I think I accidentally created a star in my stomach. The issue, I believe that star collapsed and formed a black hole. The black hole wouldn't be an issue if it wasn't for the gravity of the situation.

Thursday Robot Round Up: Robots + Child Cowboys


Also I guess they team up against dinosaurs or something.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Man Carries Girlfriend’s Head To Happy Hour


Man Carries Girlfriend’s Head To Happy Hour: "

When your friend says he killed his girlfriend and is carrying her head around, it’s a good idea to at least check his bag. From Calgary Herald:

A Spanish man calmly drank beer with his mates in a bar with his murdered girlfriend’s head in a bag, press reports said Tuesday.

After leaving the bar on Sunday, the 34-year-old climbed an electrical tower, was hit by a shock and plunged 30 metres (100 feet) to the ground, dying that evening in hospital, they said.

According to a report in the ABC daily newspaper, citing witnesses, the man told friends in the bar in Cordoba, southern Spain, that he had decapitated his 30-year-old partner.

But he was so calm they did not believe him, despite bloodstains on his shirt.

Continues at Calgary Herald


Thanks Google Visual Voicemail

So I signed up for the Google thing where it will send me an email with a transcription of my voicemails. Sometimes, it gets kinda close, but usually it's way off. I still think it's cool for a number of reasons, but check out the latest transcription, and tell me it's close:
(The red words are "approximations" and the blue words are "for sure right.")

We're Johnson, Thank you Bob Dole, gimme a call back when you get this see you. Hello.

The actual transcription should be:

Jon, it's Tank, gimme a call back when you get this. See ya.

To summarize, yes Google thought I was Bob Dole, and yes I have a friend named Tank.

The Onion: Breast Implants Found To Cause Problems In Laboratory Mice

Magic Reviews: The God Engines

Magic Reviews The God Engines:

The God Engines is a short sci-fi book by John Scalzi. It was recently nominated for a 2010 Hugo Award for the best novella category.


And I'm all like, "You aint my daddy. I review sci-fi on if I want to. I read a book and I wanna talk about it - make me yo."

And you're like, "Yo dick I don't need this crap I can go to College Humor and get my jiggles instead of here - fuck this sci-fi bullsnap!"

And I'm like, "GO THEN!!! Click this link to College Humor and screw off!"


For those of you still with us, The God Engines is a short jaunt in a vague sci-fi world. There are enslaved gods that power space ships, a ruling god who commands his faithful, a heroic captain protagonist with, a love interest with a secret mission.

It's somewhat of your basic hero story. The protagonist has some choices and continuously tries to choose for the benefit of his crew. He needs to decide between his crew's safety and his faith, and in the process finds out some secrets about his god that doesn't sit so well with him.

The imagery in this novella is vague and brief. Some sci-fi you are painted a picture of the universe that is so in-depth and vivid that you can't tear yourself away from the page. The God Engines has little visual description. It's character and choice driven instead of world-driven. Although the action wouldn't take place without the world, it doesn't rely on the descriptions to move the story.

The ending is amazing. It makes this book. Reading this I had a pretty good idea of how it would end. The ending wasn't inconceivable, but it was unexpected. It was an ending you don't normally find in stories. Fantastic, and worth the entire read in my opinion.

Final Grade: Pretty cool - support your local library and check it out.


And I'm like, "i got owned..." And then I frownyface.


NES-head: "

Mike Mitchell describes this lovely bit of duchampery 'a quasi self portrait of my formative years.'


(via Super Punch)


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

James Says

I have a friend named James. He writes amazing status updates on Facebook. I asked if I could share them with you and he said yes. This will be a reoccurring segment.

James says:

If I had an animal familiar, it would be an owl with a crew cut and a letterman jacket. His name would be Hoots McGavin.

The case of the broken penis

The case of the broken penis: "crotch shot.jpg

Gentlemen and other penis owners, shield your eyes. The following may be too grotesque for your delicate sensibilities.

It turns out that the boner is just another bone that can be broken.

Scrub, Rinse, Repeat is the blog of prostate surgeon Arnon Krongrad. The good Dr. Krongrad has quite a knack for describing awkward injuries in gory analogy.

By the time I strolled into the emergency department, the young man's member had come to resemble a hybridized sausage having the shiny, soft capsule of a fine Wisconsin bratwurst and the puffy corpus and purple coloration of a morcilla fresh from the Pampas.

Oof. That kind of makes me squirm. The problem is known as 'penile fracture' and it tends to happen—as it did to Dr. Krongrad's patient—during sex. Basic gist: Erect penis gets bent in a way erect penises were not meant to bend, tearing membranes in the shaft and allowing the blood that normally does the job of erecting to leak out into other tissues. Sadly, that was not this particular guy's only problem.

The man shared that upon emptying his bladder, his penis swelled. It does not take a master diagnostician to deduce that in addition to the banal rip of his corpus he had an exceptional tear of his urethra: He was peeing into his shaft. Hence, the Pillsbury penis.

The good news: It's fixable. The bad news: It's penis surgery. In the case of Dr. Krongrad's patient—four hours of surgery involving something called "penile degloving". Nobody knows how common broken penis syndrome is, but one doctor interviewed by Scientific American reported seeing a couple of cases a month. The lesson for penis owners everywhere: Be careful in there.

Scrub, Rinse, Repeat: How's it Hangin'?

Scientific American: Ouch! Can You Really Break Your Penis?

(Via Ivan Oransky)

Image: Some rights reserved by Amanda M Hatfield



Stupid Notre Dame Sports Guy

This really just ends up being totally appalling. This guy is a total idiot.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Woman's Perspective

So I came across this video series called "The Woman's Perspective" that features Emily McCombs talking about different topics from a woman's perspective. Topics like: Manscaping, Boobs, Strippers, Cheating, Penis Size, etc.

Here is a decent one on sexual frequency:

New Cool Ok Go Music Video

The band 'Ok Go' does these videos that I think are really clever and cool. They're like Rube Goldberg machines in video form. Here is the latest one, White Knuckles, that also features the cooler of the popular house pets.

Old Sweet Home

The Internet is the most AMAAAAAAZING place invented!


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Johnny 5 vs. Wall-E

Well, geez. Here is an external link to what another guy thinks about the argument:


Title: Wall-E Can Go Climb A Wall Of Dicks

Thursday Robot Round-Up

Robots will take over in the future. The only question is when. I, for one, welcome our robot overlords. However it would be nice to have a better idea of what exactly they are capable of so I can know when to expect their dominion to begin.

Hopefully this will turn into a weekly or bi-weekly round-up of all the terrifying advancements in the week of robot technology. Fear and love.

First up: Skin.

Researchers have developed artificial skin that has the sensory ability precise enough to detect a butterfly landing on it. Precision. Skin. Detection. Domination.

Second: Decepticons

Researchers have taught robots to deceive their human creators. The algorithm helps the robot decide how to lay traps, false trails, and hide from those looking for it. Tremble ye mortals. yeah. I'll be curled up under my desk for a bit. I'll pop out for tonight's Happy Hour show on the Impact from 7-8pm.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

C'mon Travel Coffee Mug Company!?!

I drink a lot of coffee, so I try to buy the reusable coffee cups to take with me places. I've had a bunch of them, but I specifically need to get the ones that go in the dishwasher, or I will never wash my travel mug, and that would be gross.

So I find this gem to the left here and purchase a set of two, that is labeled right on the front dishwasher safe.

Then I get home and open them up and pull out this little slip of paper from inside the mug (below):

Dear Migraine Fairy

I get migraines sometimes. I assume they come from the migraine fairy, so I've written her a poem below:

Dear Migraine Fairy,
Why you gotta be such a bitch?
Seriously, what's your problem?

When the tooth fairy comes,
she leaves a little quarter
When the Prostitute fairy comes,
a sugary bag of syphilis.

But when you stop by,
you pull the broomstick outta your b*tt
then whack me over the eye till I look like Sloth from the Goonies.

Seriously, I hope you die of wing cancer.

Unfortunate street names

Lustful Court and other fun or unfortunate street names: " Telegraph Multimedia Archive 01708 Butt 1708583C
Folks who live on Lustful Court in Macon, Georgia are lobbying for their street to be granted a name change. The county commissioners have suggested that the residents submit a petition. Yoshonda Patterson told the Associated Press 'she thinks the name gives people the wrong idea about the neighborhood on the east side of Macon.'

Also in the news this week, the UK's Bladder Lane and Butt Hole Road. And then there's the classic unfortunate street name used in England in the Middle Ages -- Gropecunt Lane -- 'believed to be a reference to the prostitution centered on those areas,' according to Wikipedia.

Juvenile? Yes...but I am rubber and you are glue.


(from BoingBoing)

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Flame Thrower Trombone!

As a trombone player, I find this ludicrous and spectacular.

Portland Has Beer.

I was on a trip to Portland, OR this week on biznass. So I drank some beer! Here's the scoop on the sampling I did:

1 - Hopworks Urban - 12 Beers - All organic, 2 casks, pretty good solid options

2 - Hair Of The Dog - 6 Beers - All good, "Greg" was a no hops w/ squash, good barleywine

3 - Deschuttes - 7 Beers - Decent selection, decent XPA and gluten free. Split across 2 visits.

4 - Tug Boat - 6 Beers - Wasn't on my list, decent bock, good atmosphere, only ok overall

5 - Rogue - 9 Beers - Good hazelnut ale, chocolate stout = hershey bar, more than i could taste alone, nice waitress brought me a free sample of red and a portland beer map

Stats: 3 Days, 5 Breweries, 40 beers

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Ninja Turtle Sex Museum

So artist James Unsworth is a dude who
likes to draw and sculpt weird scenes with lots of sexy parts looking unsexy.

He's quite good if you like sort of
avant garde creepshow things like this.

His latest artistic endeavor Ninja Turtle Sex Museum is being presented at a gallery in London for a month.

The exhibit aims to highlight incongruous events, such as children's action figures and horrible acts of internet copulation.

According to Unsworth he was thinking about Ninja Turtles and sex as an expression of incongruity when he found that there is an internet subculture of fan fiction and artists who draw Ninja Turtle sex.

The exhibit is mostly Ninja Turtles ignoring their rat master Splinter's words of wisdom, and instead doing things like:
  • Swinging from ropes while pooping while having a huge boner while wearing an upside down cross as a belt buckle
  • Masturbating together over a pizza while their weapons are placed in...places
  • Sex with corpses
The show is supposed to be about what's taboo or something.

Unsworth "In a way the show is a celebration of variety, but it's mostly drawings of ninja turtles fucking dead people."

There is a gift shop.


Dinner Time Pleasantries

Don't you hate how all the Food Network people are so enthusiastic and polite?

Use What the Fuck Should I Make for Dinner instead. Real recipes, real attitude, vegetarian options. Hilarious, simple concept. Fucking Bon Apetit.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Indie Music is Weird

I'm a dude with a pretty high weird quotient, but I don't know, maybe I'm getting old or something.

Summary: So the sack dude gets a pencil and starts drawing some shiz on trees. Then the shiz gets a little nuts and he gets chased by some dudes. Then I guess it turns out his friend was dead or something, so he writes a eulogy in scribble-nonsense and the dudes take a ride in a man-mobile under some fireworks set off by the dead friend. Then sack-man goes to sleep.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Arcade Fire Blows Minds

Oh? Your mind hasn't been blown today by the internet? Coming to hhour for your fix? How about some tunes, brilliance, and nostalgia?

Arcade Fire has put together a bit of an experiment* with their latest music video "The Wilderness Downtown". It's an experiment in the format and the type of things they are doing.

You must have Google Chrome browser to run the page, and it's pretty computer intensive, so probably no phone browsers for this one.

It is, however, a smart use of localized technology and personal information to make a unique and creepy-personal experience for each user.

*Not a real experiment, there was not random assignment to conditions

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Turn Photoshop into X-Ray Specs for Nude Viewing

Finally your photoshop skills for something USEFUL! Check out the Gizmodo link for the whole scoop, or use your eyes for the quickie. Basically, covering over the clothes in a picture with shapes can give you the nudity you've been looking for. And best of all, a Mormon kid figured it out (apparently?).

A legend born: A young Mormon, forbidden from looking at porn, discovers a way to Photoshop safe-for-work bikini shots in such a way to let his mind fill in the blanks. It's not porn if it's in your brain.

"Bubbling" Tricks Your Mind To See Anyone Naked [Photoshop]: "

(Via Gizmodo.)

Passport Love


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

My Disability

I can't grow a beard.

This is sad because beards are great.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Thankfully now there's this: